Plain Speaking

Communication is an interesting thing. I feel certain that it's always been challenging, but today maybe more so than in the past. The company I work for has a pretty good credo. Part of it says this, "We respect and trust one another, communicating openly, candidly, and directly since any other way is unfair and a waste of time." I think those are words to live by.

It seems to me that much of what passes for communication falls very short of that mark. I have two teenagers at home. A great deal of their communication is via text messaging. In the business world, we say that text messaging is a great way to communicate quickly and discreetly (i.e., if you're in a meeting). That's the good that texting brings. It's also a way to communicate in a passive / aggressive way. Texting, because it's not face to face, emboldens us to say what we would never say if we were standing before someone or speaking with them on the phone.

Facebook, My Space, and Blogs work the same way. Very often over the past few years, my daughter and son have taken shots at unnamed people (who've offended them) via their Facebook status. Maybe it's not that bad. They get to vent and say what's on their mind. But does it really solve anything? How often does what they say hit home to whomever it's directed to? Should it? If it's not something they'd feel comfortable saying to that person's face, probably not. It sure gets their friends talking, though - speculating about who it is and what they did... It stirs the pot of general adolescent poo.

Bad communication goes far beyond the electronic world, however. I was having a conversation with a man in my church last week. He wanted to say something about a situation, but he didn't want to be direct. He was using a code he understood, but I did not. He told me that if I thought about it, that I'd see what he meant. The fact is, that I've thought a lot about the situation in question already, but did not understand what he was trying to say. I finally asked him to spell it out for me (I'm not a mind reader). Beating around the bush or speaking in euphemisms is, I believe, a waste of time - at least if you want to be understood.

Why do we want to say bold things electronically and beat around the bush when we're face to face? What's so hard about speaking plainly and from the heart? I think that we fear vulnerability. If we say what we really think or how we really feel, we have to own those thoughts and feelings and open ourselves to disagreement, conflict, or rejection.

The Bible urges us to speak the truth in love. Sometimes the truth is that we've been hurt or offended. But other times the truth is that we love someone and need to express it. Either way, plain speaking is the best option. It's only communication if the message is sent and received.