Over the weekend I saw the movie Atonement. It was good on many levels, but what struck me the most was the chain of events set off by the careless use of words - one word in particular. I won't repeat the word -it may be my least favorite word in the English language.
The protagonist, Robbie, would never have used it purposely to communicate his feelings and desires. Robbie was, in fact, struggling to express himself when he composed a note in jest - expressing in vulgar language his desires. Rather than tearing it up immediately he set it down by the typewriter as he wrote the words he really wanted his love interest to read. Unfortunately, he picked up the wrong letter on his way out.
Not only did Celia (the love interest) read the vulgar note, but so did her younger sister Briony. Robbie's careless words led to his arrest for rape, conscription in the army, and death.
The movie makes me wonder how the trajectory of my life has been altered - for good and bad - as a result of words. The careful use of words builds bridges, expresses love and concern, brings in the Kingdom. God used words to create the universe. The careless use of words wounds, destroys, creates barriers - as the Apostle Paul would say, "the dividing walls of hostility."
Atonement made me think about words. I pray that God will give me the grace to use my words for building up and not tearing down (unless I'm tearing down the dividing walls of hostility). If you're reading this, I pray that He'll give you the same grace.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
God's Counterintuitive Ways
Daily Lectionary:
Morning: Psalm 150:1-6
Genesis 48:8-22
Romans 8:11-25
John 6:27-40
Evening: Psalm 32:1-11
Second Sunday in Lent Lectionary:
Genesis 12:1-4a
Psalm 121:1-8
Romans 4:1-5, 13-17
John 3:1-17
In Genesis 48 we read the account of Jacob blessing Joseph's sons Ephraim and Manasseh. Joseph lines them up 'properly' so that Jacob's right hand will rest on Manasseh and his left on Ephraim. But Jacob crosses his hands to give Ephraim (the younger son) the greater blessing. Joseph protests, but Jacob insists - Ephraim is the greater and thus should receive the greater blessing.
Interesting that Jacob, who practiced deception to gain the blessing of the first born, is ready to freely bestow his patriarchal blessing in a counter intuitive way. It looks like he learned some things about God and His ways during his long life.
God delights in working with unexpected people or through unexpected means. He loves barren women (Sarah, Hannah, Elizabeth...), younger sons (Jacob, David), outcasts, and very unlikely heros (Gideon). His ways are certainly not our ways.
So... if it appears that God is leading in a direction that doesn't seem to make sense, maybe that's not a bad thing. Glory belongs to God alone, and it could be that the road He leads you down is the one designed to make it clear that He's the Author of the story as well as the Protagonist.
Morning: Psalm 150:1-6
Genesis 48:8-22
Romans 8:11-25
John 6:27-40
Evening: Psalm 32:1-11
Second Sunday in Lent Lectionary:
Genesis 12:1-4a
Psalm 121:1-8
Romans 4:1-5, 13-17
John 3:1-17
In Genesis 48 we read the account of Jacob blessing Joseph's sons Ephraim and Manasseh. Joseph lines them up 'properly' so that Jacob's right hand will rest on Manasseh and his left on Ephraim. But Jacob crosses his hands to give Ephraim (the younger son) the greater blessing. Joseph protests, but Jacob insists - Ephraim is the greater and thus should receive the greater blessing.
Interesting that Jacob, who practiced deception to gain the blessing of the first born, is ready to freely bestow his patriarchal blessing in a counter intuitive way. It looks like he learned some things about God and His ways during his long life.
God delights in working with unexpected people or through unexpected means. He loves barren women (Sarah, Hannah, Elizabeth...), younger sons (Jacob, David), outcasts, and very unlikely heros (Gideon). His ways are certainly not our ways.
So... if it appears that God is leading in a direction that doesn't seem to make sense, maybe that's not a bad thing. Glory belongs to God alone, and it could be that the road He leads you down is the one designed to make it clear that He's the Author of the story as well as the Protagonist.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Brass Tacks
During dinner the other night, my friend Patrick was relating stories about his recent experiences in LaFayette, TN (in TN they pronounce it la FAY ette). He was there the first three days last week as part of our company's disaster response team. LaFayette is where devastating tornados blew through recently.
Patrick had some heart wrenching stories of folks that lost all of their possessions, folks that were severly injured, and worst of all, those who'd lost family members. One young woman was huddled in the bath tub with her husband and son who were both carried away. She alone survived.
Those who had lost only their possessions were, Patrick said, profoundly grateful simply to be alive. No one said, "Why me." They were happy to be alive, and happy to do simple things (Patrick was there allowing them to use the phone).
When you get down to brass tacks - or as my hero Nacho Libre says, "neeetty greeetty" - mere survival is a big deal. Sometimes, like spoiled children, we feel in the mood to complain. We take for granted the rich blessings the Father has poured into our lives. When disaster strikes, what really matters is crystal clear. May God help us to count our blessings every day - especially the blessing of our loved ones.
Patrick had some heart wrenching stories of folks that lost all of their possessions, folks that were severly injured, and worst of all, those who'd lost family members. One young woman was huddled in the bath tub with her husband and son who were both carried away. She alone survived.
Those who had lost only their possessions were, Patrick said, profoundly grateful simply to be alive. No one said, "Why me." They were happy to be alive, and happy to do simple things (Patrick was there allowing them to use the phone).
When you get down to brass tacks - or as my hero Nacho Libre says, "neeetty greeetty" - mere survival is a big deal. Sometimes, like spoiled children, we feel in the mood to complain. We take for granted the rich blessings the Father has poured into our lives. When disaster strikes, what really matters is crystal clear. May God help us to count our blessings every day - especially the blessing of our loved ones.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
The 5%
Happy Valentines Day!
I was in Nashville this week on business, and got a chance (last night) to have dinner with my friend Patrick and his wife Melissa. I've known Patrick for almost 10 years. We've worked together off and on over that period of time, and for the last few years been on the same team. What I do in Eastern NC and SC, Patrick does in TN.
When I first met Patrick, he was getting over a long term (7 year) relationship with a woman who was an alcoholic. He'd broken off the relationship, gone to therapy to figure out why he'd subjected himself to that misery for so long, and was moving on with his life. About 5 years ago Patrick met Melissa, and in her, met his match.
These are two terrific people! When you talk to either of them alone, they are full of praise for the other. There is genuine love, respect, appreciation, and admiration between them. They are in the 5%.
Usually, when one thinks of percentages, he thinks that bigger is better... In the 95% typically means at the top. But when the subject is marriage, sometimes it's better to be in the smaller group. Here's what I learned in my Pastoral Counselling class: 20% of marriages are hard work / low payoff, 75% of marriages require effort but yield some happiness, and 5% of marriages are light on effort and high in happiness and fulfillment.
Having dinner last night with Patrick and Melissa was a terrific pre-Valentine event for me. I do not have a Valentine, but the Morgans fill me with happiness all the same. It's great to see healthy love between two fantastic people. Praise God for the 5%!
I was in Nashville this week on business, and got a chance (last night) to have dinner with my friend Patrick and his wife Melissa. I've known Patrick for almost 10 years. We've worked together off and on over that period of time, and for the last few years been on the same team. What I do in Eastern NC and SC, Patrick does in TN.
When I first met Patrick, he was getting over a long term (7 year) relationship with a woman who was an alcoholic. He'd broken off the relationship, gone to therapy to figure out why he'd subjected himself to that misery for so long, and was moving on with his life. About 5 years ago Patrick met Melissa, and in her, met his match.
These are two terrific people! When you talk to either of them alone, they are full of praise for the other. There is genuine love, respect, appreciation, and admiration between them. They are in the 5%.
Usually, when one thinks of percentages, he thinks that bigger is better... In the 95% typically means at the top. But when the subject is marriage, sometimes it's better to be in the smaller group. Here's what I learned in my Pastoral Counselling class: 20% of marriages are hard work / low payoff, 75% of marriages require effort but yield some happiness, and 5% of marriages are light on effort and high in happiness and fulfillment.
Having dinner last night with Patrick and Melissa was a terrific pre-Valentine event for me. I do not have a Valentine, but the Morgans fill me with happiness all the same. It's great to see healthy love between two fantastic people. Praise God for the 5%!
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Turning 15
My daughter's turning 15 next week. People of a Latin persuasion celebrate 15 instead of 16. It got me thinking of my own 15th birthday. We did not throw a big party. Instead, my Mom and her best friend Yola took me, my sister Jeanette, and Yola's son Philip (our best friend at the time) to Benihana (sp?) for dinner and then to the Playboy club for Shirley Temples. I was recounting it for my Mom the other night on the phone, and she did not remember doing it...
I've got to tell you, that night made a big impression on me. I'm not sure how Mom and Yola decided on our night's agenda. I'd never heard of a Japanese steak house and I don't think I was aware of the Playboy Club's existence either. In retrospect it seems carefully planned by Mom and Yola to be special and memorable. Only Mom doesn't remember it...I do.
Mom probably doesn't remember the other very memorable (to me) outing together. I'm the oldest of five kids. My sister Jeanette is only 16 months younger than I. In fact by 1969 my mom had 5 kids ages 6 and under! Consequently I didn't get many times alone with her. But once, after a doctor's appointment, mom took me to lunch. Just me. I don't remember anything about it except the special feeling to be sitting at a table alone with my mom having conversation.
I have one special memory of my Dad too, that he probably wouldn't remember. One night he took me (alone) to see The Hiding Place. I felt like a princess. Come to think of it, that may be the only time in my life when I felt like a princess...
It occurs to me that we don't always know what's going to be very important to another person. We could be totally unaware that we're creating for them a special memory or a once-in-a-life-time feeling. What an incredible privilege! In 2008 let's make many good memories. Let's love people in a way that communicates how delightful they are, and gives them a life-shaping memory.
I've got to tell you, that night made a big impression on me. I'm not sure how Mom and Yola decided on our night's agenda. I'd never heard of a Japanese steak house and I don't think I was aware of the Playboy Club's existence either. In retrospect it seems carefully planned by Mom and Yola to be special and memorable. Only Mom doesn't remember it...I do.
Mom probably doesn't remember the other very memorable (to me) outing together. I'm the oldest of five kids. My sister Jeanette is only 16 months younger than I. In fact by 1969 my mom had 5 kids ages 6 and under! Consequently I didn't get many times alone with her. But once, after a doctor's appointment, mom took me to lunch. Just me. I don't remember anything about it except the special feeling to be sitting at a table alone with my mom having conversation.
I have one special memory of my Dad too, that he probably wouldn't remember. One night he took me (alone) to see The Hiding Place. I felt like a princess. Come to think of it, that may be the only time in my life when I felt like a princess...
It occurs to me that we don't always know what's going to be very important to another person. We could be totally unaware that we're creating for them a special memory or a once-in-a-life-time feeling. What an incredible privilege! In 2008 let's make many good memories. Let's love people in a way that communicates how delightful they are, and gives them a life-shaping memory.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Homeostasis
Homeostasis is one of those words you can use in a variety of settings. When used in a medical context it basically means metabolic equilibrium. A good thing, right? When used in the context of systems theory (family or organizational) it means maintaining the status quo. Maybe not such a good thing...
If you're in an unhealthy system - relating in negative or harmful ways with those you're in relationship with, homeostasis should be the last thing you desire. Unfortunately, it often happens that folks get caught up in maintaining the patterns of relationship they've experienced over and over with the same people or different ones. Patterns like these effect relationships in families, churches, businesses, etc.
Sometimes we get used to viewing someone in a particular light, and are unable or unwilling to let our opinions change. I recently read a review of Kevin Max's new CD The Blood. It was not flattering. I read the review after purchasing the CD and deciding that I like it. The reviewer did not, claiming that KM was (as usual) trying to innovate, and in this case failed. The truth is I have not heard the other versions of the songs that the reviewer talked about. Maybe he's right, and I only like the music because I haven't heard the other.
One thing I like about The Blood is that it seems to me that it's a departure from Max's usual fare. Like his other work it definitely has Max's unique sound, but (to me) it lacks the self consciousness that flawed his other albums. This album is about the blood of Jesus. K Max doesn't sound like a troubled man or a lost soul on this album like he does on the others.
Could it be that the reviewer (whose name I did not take note of) doesn't want to see Kevin Max in a new light? I admit that it's hard to like someone who's taking themselves too seriously, and KM has taken himself way too seriously in the past. I don't know whether or not The Blood's tone is indicative of a change for him or not, but I like to think that it is. If so, shouldn't Max be given the benefit of the doubt? A charitable hearing?
I've been involved in addressing performance issues with the choir director of our church. She is a very sweet lady who has had some health issues that have probably effected her performance. I think that before she had to deal with the pain associated with her back problems, she was astute enough to cover up some of the deficiencies of her work ethic.
The work issues she must address are very objective, and very fixable. One of the three choirs at church raised the issues. I wonder if they can accept her back into their good graces even if she fixes her performance issues. Hopefully she will not continue to bear the brunt of their criticism and dissatisfaction if she improves.
While I hope that I'm able to enjoy the healthful (medical) type of homeostasis, I want to avoid the rut living of the status quo. I strive to keep my relationships healthy. I strive to grow as a person. May God grant me the grace to understand, acknowledge, and celebrate the fact that those around me are growing too.
If you're in an unhealthy system - relating in negative or harmful ways with those you're in relationship with, homeostasis should be the last thing you desire. Unfortunately, it often happens that folks get caught up in maintaining the patterns of relationship they've experienced over and over with the same people or different ones. Patterns like these effect relationships in families, churches, businesses, etc.
Sometimes we get used to viewing someone in a particular light, and are unable or unwilling to let our opinions change. I recently read a review of Kevin Max's new CD The Blood. It was not flattering. I read the review after purchasing the CD and deciding that I like it. The reviewer did not, claiming that KM was (as usual) trying to innovate, and in this case failed. The truth is I have not heard the other versions of the songs that the reviewer talked about. Maybe he's right, and I only like the music because I haven't heard the other.
One thing I like about The Blood is that it seems to me that it's a departure from Max's usual fare. Like his other work it definitely has Max's unique sound, but (to me) it lacks the self consciousness that flawed his other albums. This album is about the blood of Jesus. K Max doesn't sound like a troubled man or a lost soul on this album like he does on the others.
Could it be that the reviewer (whose name I did not take note of) doesn't want to see Kevin Max in a new light? I admit that it's hard to like someone who's taking themselves too seriously, and KM has taken himself way too seriously in the past. I don't know whether or not The Blood's tone is indicative of a change for him or not, but I like to think that it is. If so, shouldn't Max be given the benefit of the doubt? A charitable hearing?
I've been involved in addressing performance issues with the choir director of our church. She is a very sweet lady who has had some health issues that have probably effected her performance. I think that before she had to deal with the pain associated with her back problems, she was astute enough to cover up some of the deficiencies of her work ethic.
The work issues she must address are very objective, and very fixable. One of the three choirs at church raised the issues. I wonder if they can accept her back into their good graces even if she fixes her performance issues. Hopefully she will not continue to bear the brunt of their criticism and dissatisfaction if she improves.
While I hope that I'm able to enjoy the healthful (medical) type of homeostasis, I want to avoid the rut living of the status quo. I strive to keep my relationships healthy. I strive to grow as a person. May God grant me the grace to understand, acknowledge, and celebrate the fact that those around me are growing too.
Friday, January 25, 2008
The Real McCoy
I have a church friend named Ina. Until recently I did not have a natural opportunity to get to know her very well. But we've been serving on a committee together and hence seen each other quite a bit lately.
In a meeting one evening earlier this week I had to tell her. She's the real McCoy. The genuine article. A bonafide, authentic Southern Lady. In every situation she has responded - without fail- as a class act. So I had to tell her so - and publicly with the rest of the committee present.
Sometimes I tend to hold back on expressing love or admiration. I don't want to be misconstrued or misunderstood. It can be easier to tell others about what we think or how we feel about someone that it is to tell the person him or herself. But I think it's important to say it to the person who deserves the compliment.
"Better is open rebuke than hidden love." Proverbs 27:5 encourages us to express our love and appreciation of people we know. God delights in us, and takes great pains to tell us so - and remind us when we forget. One thing I want to do more in 2008 is to participate with Him in open, honest delight in the wonderful people that He has put in my life.
In a meeting one evening earlier this week I had to tell her. She's the real McCoy. The genuine article. A bonafide, authentic Southern Lady. In every situation she has responded - without fail- as a class act. So I had to tell her so - and publicly with the rest of the committee present.
Sometimes I tend to hold back on expressing love or admiration. I don't want to be misconstrued or misunderstood. It can be easier to tell others about what we think or how we feel about someone that it is to tell the person him or herself. But I think it's important to say it to the person who deserves the compliment.
"Better is open rebuke than hidden love." Proverbs 27:5 encourages us to express our love and appreciation of people we know. God delights in us, and takes great pains to tell us so - and remind us when we forget. One thing I want to do more in 2008 is to participate with Him in open, honest delight in the wonderful people that He has put in my life.
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