Tomorrow I take my daughter to college. It's late, I know. She will attend a college on the quarter system, and classes do not begin until September 12. All during her senior year, I could see signs that it was time for her to transition to a new stage where she lives as a young adult on her own. She desires independence, and she's earned it.
Olivia is a responsible, intelligent, and independent young lady. She's worked since she was fourteen, played music in a variety of settings (including the very demanding marching band), all the while maintaining excellent grades. She's a great kid -- I mean young woman. Our relationship has been markedly similar to Lorelai and Rory Gilmore's. Very close and full of enjoyment.
Many times over the last several months I've used the pregnancy analogy when people asked me if I was ready to let her go. When a woman is first pregnant she suffers from fatigue and morning sickness. I can remember that stage very well. I didn't feel the greatest, but I couldn't imagine the trauma of actual labor and delivery. It scared me to death. Toward the middle of the pregnancy,you begin to feel good. Energy is back, and the baby is moving around which is pretty neat. I remember feeling that I was already getting to know my children during this stage. But then the third trimester comes... Back to tired -- and uncomfortable. By the due date (if not before) you just want the baby out! It doesn't matter how much it hurts or how scary it is. I remember people telling me to not be in a hurry for the baby to come. "Rest!", they said. "You'll need it later."
Once kids are born, the same cycle starts again, only this time taking years rather than months. In the first year or two, although you're not feeling sick, you are more tired than you ever imagined possible. Time passes slowly, and you think that this baby thing will go on forever. Now folks say, "They'll be grown before you know it." During the middle years, the Halcyon days, you get to feeling comfortable again. Your kids become more interesting and they want to do lots of fun stuff! Time begins to speed up just as you want it to slow down... Before you know it, the teen years arrive. You're back in what feels like the third trimester of pregnancy. Finally you reach the point where (even with a great kid) you saying to yourself, "It's time this kid was out!"
Well it's the night before I drive Olivia six hours away to school... Now out of one side of my mouth I'm saying, "It's time," while the other side is saying, "Wait! I'm not ready!" Of course, she's going. It is time. We both stand on the threshold of a new era, and whether we think we're ready or not, we will transition into a new way of living and relating to one another.
Big changes are often like this. We sense the time is right for something, but letting go of what we know and embracing the unknown is frightening. Without a doubt, however, it's better do move into the future. If my daughter stayed home and we tried to maintain the status quo, our relationship would move from happy and normal to pathologically unhealthy.
So, instead we'll choose to take a minute to mourn the passing of one stage and then run joyfully toward the future, trusting that the God who in His goodness put us together in the first place, has wonderful plans for the future. I hope if you're in transition, that you'll choose to look toward the fantastic things coming while being grateful for the good things that are passing away. It is the only way to live fully and freely.