Good Endings

As previously mentioned, I like to read the last few pages of a novel first. I need to know that everything turns out well. But there are authors I trust enough to save the ending for the end. I don't trust them because they write predictable books. I trust them because they write with integrity. They and the books they write are trustworthy.

Sometimes, like in the case of Jan Karon who writes a series, there are loose ends. I trust that at some point down the line, those loose ends will be tied up.

Why is this on my mind tonight? Because last night my ex-husband stood with his wife and told me that he's losing his battle against cancer. This is a man who after years of anguish has finally pulled his life together. He's serving God faithfully after fighting against him. He's found love again with a wonderful woman. He's been an intentional father.

My heart is breaking for my kids and his wife. He's dealing with the situation heroically. There's no self pity. No bitterness. He may be afraid, but he's not showing any fear. But I could see last night that his wife was beside herself with fear that she's going to lose him. My kids don't know yet, but they will be devastated.

The end of this story doesn't make sense to me. I think that Mike and Deb should live happily ever after. I think that Mike should have many years ahead to love and serve God. I think that he should be an on-going part of my kids lives.

This is where the trustworthiness of the Author comes in. We know the ending of the Metanarrative is glory. Love wins out. Justice is served. Tears are wiped away. In this smaller narrative, somehow one day everything will make sense. Rather than mystification and grief we will be praising God for his perfect, loving plans. Until we get to that day, we'll just have to trust in the trustworthiness of the Author.

Living

"When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder if I have made of my life something particular, and real. I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,or full of arguments. I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world."— Mary Oliver

Nor do I want to find myself full of regrets because I lived in the house of fear rather than the house of love. I want to live and love boldly. There's every reason to be full of active, seeking - and yes, vulnerable loving. In the words of the Heidelberg Catechism, I belong body and soul, in life and in death to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ who preserves me so perfectly that without the will of my Heavenly Father, not a hair can fall from my head.

Often, it seems, God is calling us to be open to one another in relationship, worship, and service, in ways that are frightening. They leave us vulnerable to rejection, pain, and misunderstanding. We're called to lay our cards on the table and offer ourselves to others with no strings attached and no hidden agendas. Only when we shake off our fears and open ourselves to love can we do more than simply visit this planet.

The ultimate irony is that only by becoming empty, can we experience the fullness of abundant life.

Mary

Though Reformed in my church membership (PCUSA) and theology, I was raised Roman Catholic. I think that RCs are perhaps more right than wrong to emphasize Mary's role (I never remember being asked to worship her - though admit that the Hail Mary could be considered worship).

Though Advent hasn't begun yet, I find myself pondering Mary this morning. It could be argued that she was given the most important biblical assignment other than Jesus' own. She was trusted to bear and raise God's own Son. Gabriel was sent to announce God's plans to Mary. Though troubled, her response was, "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said."

I don't know what went through Mary's mind in the days, weeks, and months that followed, but I'd be wondering if I had really seen and heard what I thought I'd seen and heard... I'm sure that it helped when Joseph was visited too, but the two of them had to wonder what they'd gotten themselves into. Though they had children together later, the trajectory of their lives was changed dramatically by their radical openness to God's plan.

I don't know about you, but I want to be radically open to God's plans. I'm certainly not a fit mother for God's Son, but providentially, that job's been done already. So what is it that God is asking of me today? What's He asking of you today? Do we have the heart to respond, "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said."??

Christ the King

Tomorrow is Christ the King Sunday - the end of the church year. It's fitting that we crown :) the year by proclaiming Christ as King. Lectionary readers know that the New Testament readings have been in John's Revelation - today was the last reading from the book.

I'm one of those weird folks that generally likes to read the last few pages of a book first. I need to know that alls well that ends well... I'm not one who bothers with a story that ends badly. Truth must win out. Love must have the final word.

Christians end the year with a focus on Christ as King because Jesus is King, and that fact ensures that all will end well. No, not 'well', rather things will end gloriously!

If you did an image search for Christ the King on Google, you'd find several pictures of Jesus holding the world in his hand. It's easy to lose site of the loving sovereignty of God when we see so much that's wrong in the world. Christ the King Sunday reminds us that though there seems to be so much darkness, the light and love of Jesus will prevail. As the Christian year draws to a close may we rest in the wonderful knowledge that he's got you and me in his capable and loving hands!

Always Taking Aim

Jan Karon has blessed me again! For the last few years, right before Advent, Karon has released a book that is precisely the medicine I need. In Home to Holly Springs, Father Tim returns home to Mississippi for the first time in almost 40 years. As one would expect, there's a lot to confront and resolve from his childhood and young adult years.

Jan Karon wonderfully depicts a God whose love is always taking aim. Father Tim has been mystified by some things from the past, and misunderstood others. God brings Timothy home to Mississippi at just the right time (its fullness) for healing - his and others.

Central to Father Tim's woundedness are his mother, father, and second mother (Peggy). As Father Tim discovers truths and achieves a measure of understanding, he finds peace and healing.

Home to Mississippi reminds us that our lives are interconnected by God's grace and mercy. When we're privileged to get a glimpse of the tapestry that God's weaving, we're taken aback by the breathtaking beauty of His plan and the depth of His love and care for us.

Father Tim's an apt pupil. He's learned in his old age to surf the waves that God sends. It's a lesson we can all benefit from learning, isn't it? When we trust God and His plans and purposes for us, we can not only surf the waves He sends, but have a fine time doing it!

Catching Up

1. My daughter and I went to Charlotte this weekend for a girls night with my sister (celebrating my 45th B-Day). We saw had dinner at a Spanish grill and saw the movie Bella. Neither the movie nor the dinner disappointed! Bella is image and metaphor rich - a story that is definitely worth any one's consideration.

2. On Saturday morning I was at my desk checking email when the phone rang. The caller ID gave the name of a church similar to the name of the church my ex-husband attends. I thought it might be him or my son (who was spending the weekend with his dad) so I answered. It was a recorded message from a different church inviting me to attend the grand opening of their new family life center today. The message promised Brunswick Stew after the service - and a chance to win an all-expense paid trip to Myrtle Beach! The message ended with the church's name, "where your dreams become a reality."

Wow! If this isn't the pinnacle of consumerism,I don't know what is. Not only will they feed me lunch, and I could maybe win an all-expense paid trip to Myrtle Beach, but my dreams will become a reality!

What about God's dreams? I wonder why we feel we have to lure people into church with a promise that their dreams will come true? When I read the Bible, I don't see a God who makes people's dreams come true. I see a God moving His plan forward inexorably. I see a God who implants His dreams into the hearts of men and women - dreams that often lead them down roads they would never choose for themselves.

"Delight yourself also in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." If you delight yourself in the Lord, what will your desire be?? The Lord Himself , and He will give Himself to you.

With Thanksgiving fast approaching this church's message hits hard. This is the season when folks either feel gratitude or grief. Gratitude is the secret of happiness. Gratitude in an acknowledgment of what is. God really has blessed me beyond anything I should expect or anticipate, but I miss the reality if all I can see are my unfulfilled dreams for myself.

May God grant us eyes to see, ears to hear, and hearts to understand the abundance of His grace and the greatness of His dreams for us.

Second-hand Toke?

Check out this "Quick Take" from World Magazine:
"A Bradenton, Fla school bus driver said there could only be one reason why a recent urine test showed she tested positive for marijuana: second-hand smoke. She told a Florida radio station that up to nine of her students routinely smoked marijuana during rides to and from school. But school district officials don't seem to be buying her story, saying the woman never reported the drug-using teens."

You have to hand it to the lady... it's a clever 'explanation'. It kinda makes you smile, and on the one hand, cheer her ingenuity. On the other hand, she thinks it's OK to tell a whopper - even a funny one- to cover up her bad behavior.

Also in World this week - a story on Mitt Romney, and why his Mormonism is a problem. Joel Belz points out that Mormons have changed their tunes on 'the facts' when it's been convenient for them (golden tablets of fonder Joseph Smith - real or not? It depends on whether it's a problem for whomever they're talking to...). The Mormon tendency to play a bit loosey goosey with the truth explains Mitt's flip-flopping on issues in terms of his religious upbringing.

Telling the truth is important - and I don't mean just from a religious perspective. We have to be able to trust that others are fairly representing who they - are or what they think - or what they intend to do, etc. Too often we're willing to latch on to what sounds good because we want the security of believing that everything's OK. But I'd personally rather disagree agreeably with someone's genuine thoughts, actions, convictions than be deceived. How about you?

Finding Balance

Sometimes I have a hard time knowing when it's OK to rest. For the last several days I've come home from work, done the absolute bare necessities at home and headed to my room. This retreat to veg in front of the TV briefly before going to sleep is accompanied by troubling feelings of guilt.

Why? Because there's still so much that needs to be done. I have at least two books to read for the class that I'm finishing up - and three papers to write (and the reading that goes along with them). My house could use a top to bottom, nothing overlooked, thorough cleaning. I could probably think of other things too...

Why am I unmotivated to do these things? Am I hopelessly lazy? That's my underlying fear. The fact of the matter is, I've been over-extended, especially intellectually, and I'm tired. I wish I had an unlimited capacity to produce, but I don't. So now I'm resting - almost against my own will to push on. I say "almost against my own will" because if my will was strong enough I would push every available minute - or maybe I'd be wise enough to plan my inactivity, so that I could make the most of it and also make the most of my work. Aye, aye, aye the inner conflict!

Need Clarity?

'Clarity' is something we want. Maybe we're just a product of our times, but there is a great desire to have clarity. The definitions of 'clarity' mainly relate to diamonds and wine - not understanding or enlightenment. In wine it means that there's no cloudiness. In diamonds clarity refers to the absence of flaws. With these definitions in mind, it would seem that when we want clarity, we're desiring complete comprehension - without cloud or flaw.

If that's what clarity means (and I think it is), I don't know if I've ever achieved it - or ever will until I get to heaven (and then it won't matter). So what's a person who wants to understand to do? Let me lay some Eugene Peterson on you. This is from his commentary on 1 and 2 Samuel published by Westminster John Knox:

"Story, and the longer the better (and the Bible is long), forces us to inhabit the community of sinners and saints, with no one exempt from the process. Story prevents us from assuming that we can get God coming down a rope ladder and pulling us out of history. Storytelling, and especially biblical storytelling, trains us in patient submission to the process of holy history. Von Hugel, one of the preeminent spiritual guides of this century, used to say that when we get to the heart of life, things are not 'clear but vivid'. Luminosity, not clarity is the distinctive mark" (p. 217).

Peterson's talking about the biblical story, the holy history. But he's also talking about us. We're not part of the biblical story, but we are part of the on-going holy history of God.

So how's luminosity different from clarity? I've been chewing on that for a few days now. I think that luminosity has to do with enlightenment. When the light bulb proverbially comes on for us, it doesn't necessarily mean that we understand without cloud or flaw, but it does mean that we 'get it'. God's plans for us are so interconnected with His plans for others, that there's simply no way to figure out exactly why or how or even when... The simply astounding thing is that God has plans for us - that in the really BIG thing He's doing, that He's bothered with us at all.

So, maybe clarity's not what you need or what I need. What we need is to be patient with the story, in awe that God's included us, and ready to 'get it' when it's revealed. Maybe we also need to understand that 'getting it' doesn't mean that we understand every detail with no clouds or mystery. Maybe luminosity is preferable after all.